Dealing with Death

I am new to this.. I lost my mother on may 19 2014,,, I feel completely overwhelmed with all that has happened.. I think it would be great to hear from people who watched thier loved one drown .. it was the worst thing I ever heard and saw.. someone please tell me they have been there.. my mom was 91yrs old and in one month she would have turned 92.. thanks for reading..

karen nobilio

Original Post

Hi Karen:

 

Welcome to the site! I am so sorry for your recent loss of your mother. It can be overwhelming and shocking no matter what the age... I just lost my mother in her 90's also. There is something about losing one's mother that is so very hard. 

 

I understand your grief and want you to know that your mother loved you unconditionally and will always be with you. Try to focus on the more beautiful memories you have of her and the love you shared. She will be in your heart always, loving and guiding you... 

 

You are not alone Karen! I know it can feel that way upon losing a beloved parent... There are so many emotions that come with the loss. Please know that you can share here - we all understand!

 

Love and Hugs, Glenda

Hello Karen,

Welcome. Firstly, know that you are not alone. Your loss is still very new and grieving is a process... a journey to more love and healing. Each one of us goes through it at our own pace.

 

Was your mother in hospice in the end? You will find a tremendous amount of information and support here through the articles at the site under spotlights, death and dying articles, and even in some of the journal exercises. When one is alone as a caregiver, we can blow things out of proportion and stay focused only on the negatives of the process of dying. If you are able to, get a journal or notebook and begin writing everything you are feeling. Try to do it at the same time every day. It's an extremely cathartic process in that once you acknowledge your feelings, you can release them more and more.

 

Work on focusing on the good things that came from caring for your mom. The good moments. Caregiving is a gift that you have given to her.. and regardless of the circumstances, her soul knew you were there for her with love. Sit still, breathe deeply and feel her presence... she is there with you... and there will be signs that she is... but when you are traumatized, it is difficult to sense her presence.

 

I don't know where you live but it may also be a good choice to join a live grief support group offline where you can share with others and learn how they are experiencing and healing from their loss.

 

Your mother lived to a wonderful age and we all know we must go at some time. No matter what we think, it is always the right time... something we truly have no control over. There is a higher power or order in the Universe.

 

As for drowning... she may have been afraid to die. My dad was afraid to live and afraid to die when he became ill. We each have our own journey and we experience life as we need to.

 

These are all important things for you to think about. We are here for you. My your healing begin to be more gentle and nurturing for yourself. Begin to care for yourself as you did for your mother. Be gentle and loving to you. You have been through a difficult experience that is unique for you. Reflect on the good times as well and know that you are loved.

 

Richest blessings

gail

 

 

I recently lost the love of my life. We were together for 40 years-33 of them I was his full-time pca after he became a quadriplegic resulting from a car accident. We shared a quality life filled with love and laughter. Looking back I know what made it work. He was only in the hospital once for pneumonia that he recovered from. We made the best of life especially when it was hardest. We loved each other and pulled our own weight. Finding tools and gadgets that increased his independence and allowed him to take charge of whatever he could made a big difference. It consisted of sitting on a roho cushion to relieve pressure and avoid pressure sores, wearing pants designed for someone in a wheelchair, using long straws with non tip mugs to drink from and wearing braces on his arms that had a Palm pocket to insert a bent fork or spoon allowing him to feed himself. I had to assist him when his chest was congested and help him cough. A nebulizer and medicine treatments were used 4 times a day and a pressure relief mattress were a must. This never would've worked if he gave up on life and the same applied to me. If this sounds like it was easy and life was a dream-it was a labor of love and the the hardest thing I have ever done. It became apparent 6 months ago that his quality of life was declining when a wound kept him in bed for 15 hours a day and then came the pneumonia. His second bout proved to be his last. Small cell cancer of the lungs and liver and spreading fast were his ticket out and freed from his wheelchair and further pain. I thank God he took him quickly because he deserved freedom and ability to fly. The love of my life made the best of his life and I'm a better person because he was my life.

Hello Linda:

What a beautiful memorial to your true love. It is a huge loss that you are dealing with with the utmost of grace. He was blessed to have you... I hope this finds you well and that you continue to handle life in such a beautiful way! You are an inspiration!

With love, Glenda

 

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