Dad's almost gone

I have been MIA for a while to my old friends, and I thank God for my new ones.
Dad is unable to see and can only say a word or two. The Chaplan was here and Hospice, with an "hours to 2 day verdict"
for his life here.
I am sleeping with my father to comfort him and myself. Although he may not know it. I will write more. But as we all know, this is the time to hug and love. Thankfully, two days ago I told him how much I love him. But regardless, it's not any easier. He looks like a corpse and is stiff. His right arm is constantly reaching to the air and his eyes are barely open and tearing.
I am going back to lay and hug him now. I will update those interested tomorrow.
I love you all and know what you are and have been going through.
Sue
Original Post
Sue:

Ditto to what Glenda & Mimi said - you & your Dad are in my prayers.

When my Father went into his coma like state, a little less than 24 hours before he died - I KNOW AND I AM SURE - HE HEARD EVERY SINGLE WORD THAT I SAID. So keep talking to him - keep telling you love him -tell him everything is going to be ok.

Sue, it is sooooooooo hard to watch this stage - but I take comfort in one thing the hospice nurse said to me -

"You have done all you can - he is now on the final journey - and its all up to him - he will decide when its time to let go" -

When I heard it, I kinda looked at her like she had 2 heads - however - after all that happened I KNOW the words were exactly right.

My love is with you and your Dad -

Janet
{{{{{S8ue}}}}}]

It has taken a very long time for you to come to this time for yourself to be able to release your dad.. to express your love for him without needing hinm to say he loves you back.. you have given so much and you have been there in the very best way that you could.

I think back to when you first came here.. well over one and a half years ago and how we thought he would go at any moment.. you weren't ready to let him go... and now you are in a new marriage... realizing your job that you worked so hard to acheive and grow in didn't stand by you... it is a huge time of reflection and healing for you...

you have been a gifted blessing to your father and I know there is much you have beaten yourself up for.. but you surrendered a while back when you permitted hospice to come in to serve all of you...

just continue to love him, stroke him, be there with him, breathe with him.. reminisce in your thoughts of the good times with him, even if he is unable to respond as his soul is with you as it will always be.

this is going to be a very important time for yourself as you will begin reclaiming your own life... coming more into your own authenticity.. gathering more strength from all you have accomplished to be able to create new work that will bring you love and joy in all you will continue to do...

I have been holding both you and your dad in my thoughts and prayers.. I know you are doing incredible work... keep us posted.. richest blessings and may dads transition be gentle and nurturing.. may his breathe be easy and gentle...

gail
{{{SUE}}}}

Hello dear friend. Something told me to pop in to see how my friends are all doing and just read your post.

You have been your father's rock, and angel for so long. Even now you are easing his journey home. You have been blessed dear angel to be able to be with him during his final days, something I had hoped I would be able to do for your dad's twin, my dad. Keep hugging, sharing, and praying, dad will be at peace soon, he will have comfort by having you with him. He may not see you with his eyes dear friend, but he sure can in his heart.

My love, hugs, and prayers are always with you and dad dear friend.

Hugs,
Robin~

[This message has been edited by angel437 (edited 08-21-2005).]
Thank all of you for your loving thoughts.

Dad is still in a coma like state. His breathing continued shallow. Amazingly he drank alot of water yesterday from a straw I held for him. It was as if he got a boost of a little energy yesterday, but not today. He's back in that state. The croup is what sounds the worst. He wants to cough but is so weak that he can't. The sound is awful. He must be so frustrated.
Love to all.
Sue
Yes Gail - I do remember the first time I found this wonderful place.
Looking back now, I can see the difference in someone who is leaving this planet and one who has time left. Now I can see it. Many times I thought that was it. But in hindsight, I can see that he was still able to stand and walk somewhat. Now he is stiff and unable to move. The transistion is a strange process. I wish i knew just what he was thinking. When I ask if he is frightened - he nods, "no."
Thanks Gail. I hope you are doing well.
Love, Sue
Sue,
I so can relate to you. Thinking mother was going....then seeing how she was when she was really crossing over......
God be with you and yours.
I'm so glad for you that he nodded "no" he wasn't afraid. My mother was very afraid. That is still part of my pain...that I couldn't take that away for her. But as I know from my dad passing away, this is all part of it.
You are a wonderful person Sue. Take care.
hugs and love
Ann

[This message has been edited by ann49 (edited 08-21-2005).]
Sue....

I haven't been to these boards in quite some time but for some reason felt the urge to pop in and check around this morning.

I know this has been a long journey for you, and you have been on a roller coaster for some time. You have done everything you could and done it perfectly. You have been a blessing to your dad. He knows this and loves you.

Just want to let you know that I am thinking of you and your dad.

Love and Hugs

Lou
Dear Sue,
What a long and memorable journey you and your Dad have and are now taking.
How special to be able to wrap your loving arms around him. I will always remember being able to hold my MIL when she passed. I would have had it no other way. And I believe you will find peace in these tender moments you have with him. It's difficult to watch them physically leave us. Yes, their body does change but his spirit will be with you always.

You've been a special daughter to him through the good and not so good. You will be blessed for the sacrifices you've made.

I pray his journey will be peaceful. His battle is almost won for he'll be made anew in his heavenly home.

Love You,
Chris
{{{Lou, Ann & Chris}}}}

Thank you. He's gone. He slipped through my fingers while I was gone for 15 or so minutes.
Thank all of you for your support -ALL of you. I will continue to post and read as you do. I am bent on writing a book about these subjects. I can't explain it. Maybe a healing process?? At 41 I feel like an Orphan, stupid, I know. But I want to help people. Like you guys help me and everyone here. Nothing like experience, you know?
You guys have had horrific cirumstances to deal with and handled it gracefully. You give me courage and strength.
Love you.
Sue
Sue:

Right back at you!!!!

The book idea is a wonderful one. I have taken on planning a charity benefit with a silent auction for proceeds to be donated to the American Cancer Society. I am also planning a Poppie "I Believe" Teddy Bear project -

I have found once I started doing this - I had something "different" to occupy my mind that would be positive and positively effect others.

So 1st take time for yourself - very important - but plan on doing your book. That is a wonderful, beautiful, caring idea.

I believe that care giving so closely to a loved one - completely changes who you are -FOREVER - you will never be who you used to be - but I do believe that is all part of Gods Plan. I think care givers tend to have the need after their loved one has passed to "give back" - something I've run into over and over again.

Please keep us posted on how you are doing and how you progress with your book.

Love,

Janet
Thanks Janet.

You put it perfectly. It's that caregiver in us that wants to share again and again.
I will do just that and I admire your progress.
I just keep looking at his pictures right now. I have been through this with Mom and a sister and I know it will take time. But caring for Dad for so long leaves a void I must, must, fill. I know you know,
Love always,
Sue
Hi caregivers:
Some here know me, and some don't. Dad left me this past August 23rd. Not evenn a month ago. This board had been my saviour.

I have learned so much with the help of Gail's board and all of my friends here. But most, that we can't stop nature. Please do not beat yourself up for not being perfect. For not being there at the exact moment that changes things. For not saying comforting words or hugs when you are/were frustrated. Just know that you are you. The mere fact that you would take on this task is enough.
It amazes me that there are so many takers in this world and not enough givers.

Forgive your loved ones for what they can and cannot handle. The fact you can be a caregiver doesn't make those who can't less of a person. It just means sometimes others just can't. Uncondtional. Period. Ya know? Put plainly, you knew/know you HAVE to step up and do this - it's a calling and you answered and you are a giver in this life.
God bless all of you. You are God's quiet angels.
Hugs,
Sue

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